Put it in a love song.

I thought I lost you, our friendship, and everything we’ve had; then, I read your message to me earlier this day, showing how much you care about what I’m probably going through because you saw all the “girl-drama” tweets in Twitter.

That really made me so feel so grateful.

Thank you for being so thoughtful.

Thank you for showing up just when I needed someone the most. Your timing was just so perfect, I’m starting to think how God convinced you so He could send you to me..

Thank you.

When college started, I don’t know.. but somehow I know that my hormones has something to do with it. My height started to increase. From 5’2”.. to 5’3”.. up to 5’6”

I’m 21 years old, and I am 5 foot, 6 inches tall.

I’ve been receiving compliments about my height since then. Like, how wonderful it is to have a height like mine.. and how I should be thankful that God gave me this kind of height.

In fact, I’m indeed thankful. There’s nothing else I could ask about it.

But together with the gradual increase in my height, my metabolism also slowed down. Something I’m having a hard time with, to be completely honest.

I might lose a weight for not eating for a week; but having a nice and complete meal for 3 days, I could totally gain back everything that I’ve lost. That’s just how it works for me.

I’m having a hard time to pull my height and weight together. I’ve always been computing my body mass index just to make sure that I’m not overweight.

Sometimes, being around people who are much shorter than I am, it makes me feel so huge and gigantic.. and I would feel sad about the way I am deep inside.

I know, I am not overweight. But being around them, it makes me feel like as if I am.

I’m still working over my weight and my body because, for once, I want feel tall without having a feeling of inferiority about how my body looks.

I want to feel good about my height and weight combined.

I want to feel good about my weight alone.

Mama: Anong ginagawa mo? 
Ako: Tumblr. :)
Mama: Gawa mo nga din ako ng Tumblr.
Ako: NOOOOOOO. Bakiiit?
Mama: E bakit ba? Nakakakita ako minsan ng mga binobrowse mong pictures ng cupcakes at pastries. Gusto ko din makita.
Ako: … . .
Mama: May Twitter ka pa ba? Gawan mo na lang din ako nun. Follow kita! :)

- - - - -

Waaa~ Ang kulit ng nanay ko. Hahaha. Di ko siya igagawa. Mag-Facebook na lang kasi siya eh. -.-” XDDDD.

I’m feeling all better now. :) I woke up today, still feeling low about what happened to me.. then, I just told myself that I would keep myself busy today to keep me off of the things that has been bugging me last night.

So, that’s what I did.

Thank God for today. We were so loaded with so much stuffs to do. I could hardly take a break to give myself a little moment to relax. It just went on and on, doing things after another. It’s a really busy duty day for me today for the straight 8 hours.

Then, another thing I am thanking God for is when I agreed to let my boyfriend see me after training so that we could spend time together. There’s just a part of me that misses him so I agreed after he asked me if I want to see him today. And another thing is, I wanna share to him what I went through last night.

So, then, we ate lunch together. Then, we played cards. Hahaha! That’s one of my favorite part of today. We would have played Monopoly instead, but my little brother is busy playing other computer games.. so we settled with cards. It was so fun. ;>

He also let me have a short nap after a few set of games. So, yeah. I fell asleep on his lap, and sometimes I would feel him drying my sweat off my forehead. (Philippines. Summer. Need to say more? XD).

After that, we took a little time to have snacks.. and went on to stroll in our subdivision to breathe in some fresh air. We stayed in our favorite spot to have an alone time to talk about random stuffs.

Things are just better when he’s around. And I thank and praise God for this, you know? I’m feeling a lot better now.. and I would still try to comtemplate more about last night.

So, that’s basically what happened today. Thank you, Saturday. Thank you, Lord God, for all of these. ♥.

To God be the glory. ♥.

Feels. It’s totally sinking in today. I don’t know how it started, but I just suddenly felt like I want to have a whole fresh start of my life. I don’t fully understand why I feel the way I do, but it’s just something that’s hurting me so much right now.

I know there has been lots of unbelievable things that has happened to me. I’m thankful, and I know that these challenges or problems would someday teach me more than I know now. But tonight, I just feel like breaking down. I feel like I just want to disappear for a moment and have a time on my own.. to think and reflect.. and refresh.

These days, everything has been so exhausting. I feel less motivated. Everything is draining down.. and one thing I’m scared most is the probability that I might lose my balance.

I don’t think I can handle these much longer.

Every night, people who have walked out of my life has been flashing through my mind; and most of the time, I just take the bullet of blaming myself because I wasn’t able to do everything that I could to make them stay.. when in fact, once upon a time, they were so close to me and never have I thought that they would leave and they could leave.

On the other side, it also hurts me because they didn’t also do anything to fight for what we have.. to save what we have.

I thought I know how to value and treasure people in my life. But then, time came and I have prioritized some other things more than relationships, and I never even realized how so much things have changed. I wasn’t even aware. I wasn’t even able to catch and cope up.

You know? It’s like, I talked to them and they are no longer there for me. They made me feel like as if they were talking to someone they just met on the street for a casual conversation.. and I just can’t do anything to bring it back to the way it was. And everytime I remember them, I ask myself how much I deserve to experience this?

- - - - -

Meanwhile, I have met new people in different times and places. And I don’t like how it affected me so much today.

I met someone whom I thought I could call and treat as a true friend too. We got to know each other more and I tried to see through that person’s personality because, it’s more important to me than anything else. Then one day, I realized how that person could lie to my face like as if it’s just okay. And all the trust I’ve built came crumbling down.. like, when I hear that person say something, all I could think of were “lies.”

I thought I wouldn’t learn how to forgive; but thank God I was able to whole-heartedly do it; but the fact that the way I treat people was changed, I just can’t take it in.

The way I trust people is not like how it was before. All my guards are up, for trying to protect myself for anything like it. And sometimes, it got me wondering with things like, “who.. and how many people around me are as true as what they seem to be?”

And I’ve experienced how it feels like to be surrounded by people who silently misjudge you. People who act so nice and kind, but are actually two-sided. And God knows how I wish I could learn how face and handle this with Him.. and at the same time, God knows how I wish I could just run away and escape from it but I can’t.

- - - - -

I’m sorry.. I just can’t bare with how my real life is going on right now. I’m so just so messed up. Things are so messed up.. and I don’t even know where to start and how would I even try to fix myself and all these things.

I just don’t know.. at all.. anymore..

I haven’t been writing anything about love lately; and tonight, I would. You know, I never really thought that we could go this far, but I always hope it would. So, here we are.

For the past few months, I have experienced late night fights and misunderstandings more than I could ever imagine. Even though I know that I used to say that we should always fight for the ones we love and make things work out, no matter how tough and hard the situation is, I realized that it was easier said than done. Because the moment I was in that situation, I honestly do not know what else to do. Sometimes, it’s not always easy to just make things work out in an instant, especially if both of us are still trying to prove our own point of views regarding the subject of argument. And so, I have to keep on reminding myself that I shouldn’t just let this go nor give up.. and I have to be stronger for the both of us.

Aside from that, I also used to say that I have no problem if I would grow old alone because, I have my family and friends. But lately, things have been changing as I imagine my future with the one I love. I don’t know if it’s just me, or that’s just how it normally goes; but sometimes, I just wanted to spend every single day of my life with him. It’s like, I just want to have him beside me all the time. Sometimes, we talk about our future like we have a clue.. and it just melts my heart every time we do.

It is him, whom I’m looking for to talk to and share my stories with. And there are those times where I want to hug him because I want to feel his arms wrapped around me again.. and when I am sad and down is when I want him on my side the most.

You know, I never imagined it would feel this wonderful. I know our relationship is not perfect. We fight and argue. We mess up and make mistakes. But I know that we’re still growing up. I know that there are still a lot of things around the corner that we would have to face together - we might probably fight about it or have a serious talk for that sake of it, but I know that there’s still a lot to learn. There would be a lot of things to work out, but that’s just how life and love works when combined.

Of course, there are those times when I get scared too; and all I do is talk to God and ask Him to guide and bless us and our relationship. Because, I’ve always been thankful for this.. and I will always thank God for this.

And sometimes, I stay awake late at night and think how I never thought I would find a love like this.. and I never thought that I would have someone like him in my life. ♥.

Bilang isang nurse, first year palang, tinuturo na yung mga therapeutic at non-therapeutic communications sa’tin. At isa sa mga non-therapeutic na pinakainiiwasan ko ay yung mabe-belittle ko ang nararamdaman ng isang taong may sakit.

Tandaan: Everything is not what it seems.

Hindi lahat ng nakikita ng mata mo, yun lang ang basehan mo ng nararamdaman ng isang tao. Kasi one time, may duty kami sa Manila. Fourth year na ako nito. January 2012, may sakit ako. Viral infection. May blisters ako sa right side ng balakang ko. One-sided lang naman siya tapos, hindi sila nagccross sa other side. Kumbaga, kung hanggang saan ang midline ng spine ko, hanggang dun lang silang lahat. Madami tapos sobrang sakit.

Kala ko nun, taghiyawat na naligaw na masakit at konti-konting dumadami lang. Hahaha. Tapos, nung nagpaconsult ako, umiyak talaga ako nung nalaman ko na may Herpes Zoster ako. Shingles na lang para medyo cute ang term. Hahaha. Paano nagkakaroon nun? Ganito kasi yun.

Konting pathophysiology lang: Nung bata ka, nagkachicken pox ka - varicella virus ang nagccause nun. Kapag naresolve ang chicken pox mo, hindi totally eliminated ang virus na yun sa system mo. Parang, nadeactivated lang. Nandun lang siya sa katawan mo, natutulog lang (let’s put it that way).

Ngayon, sa middle-age years mo, nakaencounter ka ng someone na may active chicken pox. May chance na yung varicella virus sa katawan mo ay mareactivate. Kapag nareactivate siya, hindi na chicken pox ang tawag dun. Herpes Zoster na, or Shingles. Iba na din ang signs and smptoms nun sa chicken pox.

Kaya hindi porket nagkachicken pox ka ay safe ka na. ;> Ingat-ingat kasi mas matindi at mas masakit ang Shingles, promise. -.-” xD.

Anyway. So ayun, duty kami sa Manila. May Shingles ako. Kailangan kong umuwi na dito sa Batangas kasi baka makahawa ako. Nasa dorm kami nun and before ako makaalis, I have to talk muna sa level coordinator namin about my condition and I was advised to go home.

May lalaki dun sa counter, yung nasa front desk ng dorm na nagwwelcome ng guests. Connected din siya sa mga CI’s namin, may number kasi sila. Nung una, nagtatanong siya kung bakit ako uuwi. Para kasing ayaw niya akong payagang umalis. Sabi ko, may sakit ako. Ganito yung usapan namin.

Siya: Anong sakit?

Me: (nung una, nahihiya akong sabihin.. kasi bakit ko naman isspoil ang medical diagnosis ko; pero anyway, for the sake of it..) Shingles po.

Siya: Ahh. Yung sa Herpes? Talaga?

Me: Opo. Akala ko po kasi ay wala lang kaya pumasok pa din ako. Tapos, sobrang sakit po ng blisters ko kaya-

Siya: Oo. Alam ko naman yun. Nurse din naman ako. May nireseta sa’yong gamot?

Me: Opo. *Pinakita ko sa kanya. Tanda ko nun, may Acyclovir ako. Vitamin B complex + Paracetamol. At saka, calamine lotion.*

Siya: Bakit parang wala ka namang signs and symptoms??

Me: ……..

Alam niyo, nung time na yun, ang sakit pala (emotionally) kapag namamaliit yung nararamdaman mo. Sobrang sakit kasi ng mga blisters ko nun. As in. Pinipigilan ko lang lahat ipakita, kasi ayokong masyadong isipin yung pain na nararamdaman ko. Diversion of attention kumbaga. Sana alam niya na ang pain ay subjective, hindi objective.

The whole time, paulit-ulit lang sa isip ko yung sinabi niyang “bakit parang wala ka namang signs and symptoms?” Tapos yung tono pa ng pananalita niya, sobrang doubtful na wala akong maaninong ni-konting paniniwala sa kanya na may sakit talaga ako.

Tapos, iniisip ko na sana di na lang siya nagsabi na nurse din siya. Sana talaga hindi ko na lang nalaman. Kasi nung time na yun, sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayokong maging nurse na katulad niya at hinding-hinding-hindi ko gagawin yung ginawa niya sa’kin sa kahit sinong magiging pasyente ko.

Nakakawalan ng respeto.

Actually, galit nga ako sa kanya sa sinabi at ginawa niyang yun. Bastos kasi niya. At dati, di ko alam kung paano ko siya mapapatawad kasi tinawanan pa niya ako nun. May kasama siya nun eh, parehas silang nagtawanan. Kaso naririnig ko palagi ang conscience ko na nagsasabing, “forgive someone automatically even if a person asks for it or not, just like how God forgives you.”

Kaya kapag duty kami, lagi kong sinusubukan yung hangga’t kaya kong ipakita at sabihin kung gaano ako kaconcern sa pinagdadaanan ng mga namemeet kong patient, gagawin ko.

Dun ko napatunayan kung gaano kaimportante ang therapeutic communication. Hindi yun basta-basta. Ingat din kasi words can hurt. :)

* * * * *

Nurses at future nurses, wag niyong gagayanin si kuya. :) At sa mga tao na makakaencounter ng nurse na tulad niya, forgive lang po. Pagpasensyahan na lang kasi may mga nurse, pero walang pusong-nurse. :)

Sa lahat ng ayoko ay yung napaparamdam niya sa’kin na parang wala siyang oras para sa’kin. Intentional man o hindi. Yung ikaw nga, kahit na may ginagawa ka at busy ka, nagagawa mong maglaan ng oras para sa kanya.. para hindi niya maramdaman na parang hindi mo na siya naiisip o naaalala. Lahat ng ginagawa mo, pause muna, mareplyan lang siya o makausap lang sandali.

Kaya nakakapikon at masakit talaga in some way kapag hindi sa’yo magawa yun ng isang tao. Mahirap ba? Too much to ask ba yung magtext man lang para tanungin kung kamusta ka na, or whatsoever? At ewan ko kung paano nila nakakaya at nagagawa yun? Siguro kasi hindi nila alam yung pakiramdam kasi hindi mo naman pinaparamdam yun sa kanila. Kasi, you’re just there.. you’re just always there for them.. at alam ko kasi ang pakiramdam nun kaya di ko ginagawa sa iba.

Kasi ang saklap din talaga na kailangang ikaw pa yung parating mag-first attempt para magkausap kayo. Tapos mas masaklap yung, kung hindi mo pa tinext o kinausap ay hindi ka din kakausapin at rereplyan. Blah. Okay lang yung once or twice, pero hindiiii. Hindi talaga eh. Yun yung mas nakakaasar eh. Parang, “kung hindi ba ako ang unang nakipagusap sa’yo, maiisipan mo pa kayang itext ako o kausapin man lang in the first place?”

Ayoko talaga ng ganun. Lalo kapag alam kong hindi ko naman kailangang makipagsapalaran sa mga ginagawa niya araw-araw para lang makapaglaan siya ng konting oras para sa’kin. At saka, ayoko din kasi nung parang pinagsisiksikan ko ang sarili ko sa isang tao para lang magkausap kami. Saklap lang sa pakiramdam, dre. Alam mo ba yun?

Hindi na nga ako nakakapagshare ng mga nangyayari sa’kin ee; kasi nawawalan ako ng gana kapag ganun. Naiinis talaga ako. >.<

Sabi nga ng mama ko, wag ko na lang daw pansinin. Pero, iba talaga ee. Nandun talaga yung feeling na parang hindi ka man lang naaalala. Time na nga lang ang hinihingi mo, di pa magawan ng paraan man lang. At kahit sabihin niya pang naaalala naman niya ako, eh malay ko naman diba? Hindi naman ako si Edward Cullen na nakakapagbasa ng mga iniisip ng isang tao.

Basta. Masakit talaga. Nakakapikon. >.< Wag sana niyang hantayin yung oras na matuto akong gawin yung ginagawa niya, kasi hindi sa lahat ng oras ay kaya kong intindihin. </3.

Me: Mahal, kakapaload ko lang.. kamusta na ikaw?

Siya: Wait lang, mahal. andito pa ako sa mga tita.. ittext kita pag wala na akong ginagawa..

Me: okay..

Siya: Mahal, wag naman ikaw magalit sa’kin.. Busy lang talaga.. :(

* * * * * * * * * *

Yung naiimagine ko kung paano niya sabihin yung last message niya sa’kin, lalo na kapag alam niya talagang galit or tampo ako tapos sinusuyo niya lang ako. Haha.

Anyway, di naman talaga ako galit ee. Sabi ko nga sa kanya ay nawalan lang ng smiley face, galit kaagad? Haha.

Siguro, medyo paranoid na yun. Kasi di pa ulit kami nagkikita ever since our last fight. Eh ang huli pa naming pinagawayan nun ay nung nagalit talaga ako kasi di siya nagttext tapos ang tagal-tagal niya magreply. xD. Mababaw kung tutuusin sa iba, pero ayaw ko kasi ng paulit-ulit na ganun tapos nararamdaman ko ay nattake for granted ako. Yung ganun? Haha. Arte ko. xD.

Kanina, bumili yung kapatid ko ng March 2013 issue ng Candy Magazine. Si Demi Lovato kasi ang cover. Ang ganda niya. :D

Anyway, may article dun na “10 sign that you are never, ever, getting back with him together. Like, ever.”

Basa-basa din. :)

Tapos, ngayong nagonline ako sa Tumblr, nakakaloka kasi bigla akong may nakita sa dashboard ko na: “10 signs that you should get back together.”

Hahaha. Halaaa. Okay. Goodluck na lang sa relationship. :))

Nakakastress pala talagang isipin ang future. Minsan kasi, iniisip ko kung ano nang gagawin ko after training ko.. ano nang next step or plan ko? Yung mga ganung bagay. Future-related na bagay.

2 months pa ang training ko pero, heto ako, nagiisip na ng susunod ng plano; pero, wala akong maisip kung anong sunod kong gagawin. Minsan kasi, gusto ko nang magtrabaho. Gusto kong mag-earn ng sarili kong income para makakapagipon ako gamit ang sarili kong pinaghirapan. Mabibili ko ang gusto ko kapag may sapat na akong savings para dun. Yung hindi na ako aasa sa mga magulang ko kapag may bigla akong gusto at kailangang bilhin. Mahirap din kasi na laging nakadepende ako sa mga magulang ko, knowing na hindi na ganung kapriority ang mga gusto ko. Kasi, graduate na ako. Tapos, may mga kapatid pa ako na nagaaral. Di ba? Obvious naman kung sino nang uunahin, kasi mas kailangan.

Lately, puro “wait ka na lang muna, anak” ang naririnig ko kay mama at papa. Okay lang naman sa’kin na maghantay kasi di ko naman urgent need; pero, ewan. Minsan, nakakaramdaman ako kung kailan ko makukuha ang turn ko. Haha. Nabibilhan naman ako kapag kailangan ko na. Tulad nitong huli, binilhan ako ng white duty shoes kasi nasira na yung ginagamit ko. Pero kung want slash demand ang paguusapan, wait lang muna. Hindi naman masama kung iisipin, diba? Kaso, naiisip ko na, kung may sarili lang sana akong source of income. Choooos. Hahaha.

Minsan kasi, gusto ko din na nabibilhan ko sina mama ng gusto nila. Kaso, di naman pwedeng hihingi din ako sa kanila ng pera para dun db? Lokohan? Hahaha. Madami din silang gusto na di muna nila binibili kasi may prioritization ng paggagastusan. Hay, buhay.

Pero, anyway. Stressful itong iniisip kong ito. Promise. Haha. Isang gabi nga, sabi ko, “21 years old pa lang ako, kung anu-ano nang iniisip ko. Yung iba nga, 25 years old na….” Ayun, alam niyo na. Hindi ko na tinuloy.. Lalo lang akong mai-stress. Hahaha.

The thing is, gusto ko nang magka-job. As in. D: Yung sunod kong kapatid, hindi pa gruma-graduate, sure nang may job opportunity. Thailand pa. Naiiyak akong natutuwa. Kakaiba talaga mga plano ni God.

Pero I know, His blessings doesn’t stop from here. At mahirap talagang malaman ang plans ni God kapag future ang paguusapan. Kailangan ng greater trust talaga. Minsan, ang kulit-kulit ko na. Syempre, di naman pwedeng super dependent ako kay God, diba? May gagawin din dapat ako. “Nasa tao ang gawa, nasa Diyos ang awa.” Sipag at tiyaga lang, di ba? Ayun. Nagkaka-good vibes na din sa wakas. Thank you, Lord. :)

For the meantime, I won’t stop wishing and praying and hoping pa din na sana one of these days, magka-job din ako. One step at a time lang muna siguro ako sa ngayon. :)

So, ayun. Nagshare lang ako para di ko na ‘to masyadong maisip nang maisip. Sabi na kasing, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Ayan tuloy, nalulunod ako sa pagwworry at stressfulness. Hahaha. xD.

Last night, I went to bed at almost 12:20am - as I have shared. So, from then, I had my prayer time before totally going to sleep.. and this is what I was able to read from Didache.

* * * * * * * * * *

There was a man who was trying to cast out the devil from a possessed woman. He raised the crucifix in front of the woman but at the same time, he was fearful that the evil spirit would overpower him. “What? You expect me to be affected by that?” scoffed the woman. “You yourself don’t believe in the person on the crucifix. How will I be afraid of that?”

The devil continued, “You’re afraid that I might possess you? Ha! Get real! With everything that you think, say and do, I don’t need to possess you. I already have you!”

- Story from Jonathan Yogawin.

* * * * * * * * * *

The words, “I already have you” echoed back and forth through my mind; because, it’s in that moment that I realized that sometimes, we are all being possessed by evil unconsciously. Not to the extent of what you think or what you see in movies like Exorcism of Emily Rose and other types of exorcism where the possession of devil is so evident. Because sometimes, we fight through the temptation without realizing that we have already gave in.

Because I learned from the Bible that those who sin are slaves of sin. “Jesus answered them, “Amen, amen. I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin.” - John 8:34.

And there are times when we commit sins intentionally or unintentionally. We commit sins without realizing that we are already being overpowered by the power of evil spirit. Because, for example, whether we admit it or not, there are times when we thought we’ve done the right thing until someone come and tell us that what we’ve done is wrong, or we’ve hurt someone, etc. etc.

The thing is, evil surrounds us and I realized how important it is to have a greater faith with a great foundation. Temptation is everywhere. Sometimes, you can see it; othertimes, you just feel it. And everyday, you could ask God to grant you a greater faith little by little through the Holy Spirit. Because, I know how bad it could get when our relationship with God is severed by continuously sinning and continuously giving in to temptations that surround us.

Isn’t it shameful how I was praying and my heart was beating fast, then I heard myself say, “The Lord is my Shepherd. Who else should I fear?” Because, for one moment, the story scared me.. and in that moment, I became like the man in the story. I know what I’m feeling is fear, because everytime I do, I whisper that verse over and over until fear turns into ashes. But, thank God, He’s our refuge. Thank God, His power is stronger than anything in this world.

And there are times when we would become like the man in the story.. and there are plenty of times when we would be tempted by the devil because 1.) your faith, love and relationship with God is strong that he wanted to test and destroy it, or 2.) he find pleasure in tempting you because, he knows you would give in to what he wanted you to do.

And that night, while I was whispering that verse with all my heart, because I need God to save me from my fear, I could testify how prayer is our most powerful tool when you feel like evil surrounds you, or just sitting beside you.

God is one prayer away. He loves you so much that He would listen to you, and He would really save you. Just let your faith speak.. Let your faith win. :)

“Oh gawd, tanghali na!!!! - wait, off nga pala ako ngayon. Okaaay, tulog muna ulit. Mamaya, manonood ako ng Fairytail. 11:30am pa naman yun… Teka lang, bakit parang naririnig ko ang boses ni Happy? Anong oras na ba?” *nakinig ako ng mabuti, at nakiramdam.*

Voice from our TV: “Natsu…. Natsu….”

“Waaaa! Seryoso?! Fairytail naaaa?!” *off the bed, I go* Buti hindi ako nakaramdam ng orthostatic hypotension sa bigla kong pagbangon at pagtakbo sa salas. Hahaha.

* * * * * * * * * *

Kung walang Fairytail, baka kakabangon ko lang ngayon. Miss ko na kasi ang Fairytail ee. :)

Anyway, day off ako ngayon! :DD *cheers* Namiss ko mag-off nang ganito. :) Pero ito ay request off ko kasi, mamayang 5pm, pupunta kami ni Mama sa Holy Trinity church. Magkukumpisal kami as part of preparation din for the Holy Week. Masarap ang feeling after confession, indescribable talaga. Yung feeling na napatawad ka na nga talaga, tapos parang lumulutang ka kasi ramdam mo yung grace ni God through His Holy Spirit. :) Ganun. Sana makareceive din kayo ng sacrament of Reconciliation before our Holy Week. :) Irreplaceable ang feeling na pwedeng ibigay sa atin ni God na love and forgiveness, knowing na nagpaka-humble tayo for Him para mai-confess ang mga kasalanan natin. :)

Tapos nagparequest AM ako next Saturday at request off ng Easter Sunday. Tuwing Black Saturday ng gabi kasi, umaattend kaming pamilya sa Trinity para sa “Blessing of Fire.” Sunod-sunod na yun hanggang resurrection ni Jesus. Kaya ang saya ng feeling ng Easter!!! Tapos nandun din yung renewal of baptism. :DD At for sure, this coming Holy week, ang solitude na naman ng feeling ko kasi nandun na yung thought na this time, nagaganap na yung mga nasa Sorrowful Mysteries. Tapos, magninilay-nilay din sa death at sacrifice ni Jesus sa crucifix. Ganun. Kaya kapag Holy week, limited lahat ng ginagawa ko. Wala akong karapatang magpaka-super saya. Kasi, reflection muna. Sacrifice din muna. Diba?

Kaya ayun.. :)

God bless everyone. Have a wonderful day. <3.

12:19am. I just finished working through my Tumblr theme, and I am soooo sleepy! It’s a good thing I have my day off tomorrow. :) I’m still planning on adding some few things but, I’ll just have to work on it by tomorrow morning because, I can already feel my heavy eyes. -.- z Z z Z z.

Guess, I have to call it a day. Good night, everyone. Sweet dreams. Thank God. ♥.

♫ “Sometimes, a girl needs to know that she’s appreciated for all the things she does.. with some sort of token of love. ‘Cause without it, her young heart won’t know. And right then, to my surprise, he pulled out a small velvet box, pink ribbon tied. I’m wondering what’s inside. He opened it and then he replied:

He said, “I promise not to hurt you. I promise not to lie. I promise to befriend you and defend you with my life. I promise you forever. I promise you today.. Would you wear my promise ring?

I said, “yes…”

- Promise Ring, Ciara ft. Tiffany Evans.

6:26pm: Blog under reconstruction. At last, I finally found time for it. :D I was all around the internet thinking whether I should register an account to a new blogging site, or just go back to blogspot instead. Then, I realized that maybe I should just stick with Tumblr instead.

There’s still nothing like Tumblr. ♥. I had been posting a lot of personal and random stuffs here, it’ll feel weird for me if I would have a fresh start. xD.

Anyway, I recently quit using Twitter. No specific reasons why. It’s just that, these days, I haven’t been updating it like I used to. Busy days, busy schedule, busy life. I can’t even send tweet through my phone anymore ;sucks (that’s another reason too; but there are whole bunch of other reasons why but I won’t go through it tonight). Then, I realized that I feel completely fine without Twitter. So, lately I’ve been debating with myself whether I should stop updating it or not, and it led me to this final decision. But who knows? I might return and update it again. I can’t tell it directly to you tonight, though.

For the meantime, I am going to update my Tumblr theme.. and focus on Tumblr mooooreee. :)

Here’s my another tumblr blog where I express myself in quotes and photographies too: Midsummer Night’s Dream blog. Blog title was inspired by William Shakespeare’s novel; plus the fact that the title occured to me once upon a midsummer night this year. Follow me there too? Cool. Thank you. :)

* * * * * * * * * *

(Update) 10:11pm: Almost done with my theme. :) Yay~ Tweaking (customizing) a Tumblr theme is so stressful and fun at the same time. You know, the left side of my brain has been working so hard for analyzing html codes and how to be creative at the same time.

I’m keeping my tumblr blog simple, though. I don’t want it to have too much clickables like what I did previously. :)

Anyway, I’ll be right back. I have to finish this tonight because I don’t plan on spending my day-off tomorrow by tweaking and organizing my theme. xD.

- chastine. :)

Habang nanonood ng “Fairytail” sa Animax, new episodes, iba na yung voices ng mga nag-dubb. Super nakakapanibago. Tapos, biglang lumabas na si Caprico. (Excited pa naman ako, kasi zodiac ko ito ee, syempre).

Commercial: Super tagal kong hinantay yung character ni Capricorn dito. XD.

Kiel (my little brother): “Pati si Caprico.. ang pangit na din ng voice. Hahaha.”
Me: “Kaya ng, babyyyyyy. Di dapat ganyan ang voice niya, db? Kasi ang mga Capricorn, authoritative at bossy ang dating. Kaya dapat, dignified talaga boses ng nagddub sa kanya. Boss siya eh.”
Kiel: “Oo nga.. pero, okay. Whatever with your Capricorn-thing already, ate Tin.”

Hahaha. At tuwing kuma-Capricorn ako dito, I blame Ella for her continuous Pisces-thing!!! Siya talaga naaalala ko sa habit kong ito. :))))

Final count: “Dr. (name of surgeon) and Dr. (name of anesthesiologist). All needles, sponges and instruments were counted correct and complete.”

Last day ng 4th rotation bukas. Mamimiss ko ang Operating Room. </3. ;sad. Tapos kapag scrub nurse ka, super assist ka talaga with the surgeons, kaya dapat 100% ang presence of mind. :> Tapos kapag start na ng surgery or operation, swear, dun lang sa operation na yun nakafocus lahat ng brain cells mo.

Lagi ko ding naalala ang Grey’s Anatomy. :)

Tapos, this rotation ko lang kasi super naappreciate ang OR. Nung nursing student lang kasi ako, di masyado ee. Gusto ko lang makakita ng internal organs. Promise. I don’t faint nor freak out kapag nakakakita ako ng open operative site para sa certain organ. (Pero pag live akong nakakita ng accident na labas ang internal organs, ibang usapan na po yun ha. XD. Dunno why, pero iba na talaga yun. xD).

Saka ang gusto ko lang din dati nung nursing student ako, magassist sa mga Cesarean Section at Normal Delivery. Maki-palmar grasp sa mga newborn. Ayun. Mga pang maternal-and-child thing. Haha. NCM 101 at 102 ang fave subjects ko nun. (Maternal and Child nursing pa din po). Gusto ko din ang Medical-Surgical, pero wala ang interest ko talaga nun sa “Surgical” part. Hahaha. :)))

Pero ngayon, hindiiiii~ Nung pumasok ako sa OR, di ko alam ang mga ieexpect ko. Pero super inaalala ko talaga yung mga tinuturo nila sa’kin ‘cause I really want to learn more.. and more each day. Kahit alam kong may mga times na nagkakamali ako, gusto ko pa din matuto at next time ay gagawin ko na ng tama. Di ba? :)

* * * * *

Operating room, I never thought I would say this but, I love you. </3.

At sa lahat-lahat ng pinagdaanan ko, super thankful ako sa mga OR staffs na tumulong sa’kin na madevelop ako at magimprove. As in! Thank you po.

At kay God syempre. Number one supporter ever since. Thank You po talaga, Papa God. :)

* * * * *

Thank you po in every single thing.

Nagaayos ako ng pictures ko ngayon. Simula 2007-ish hanggang ngayon. Gusto ko kasi sanang gumawa ng own photo album ko, tapos ako ang magdedesign. :) Ayaw ko kasi na naka-save lang siya sa computer namin. May photo album na ako, pagpapaprint na lang ng pictures. Haha. Pinagiipunan ko pa lang yun hanggang ngayon ee. Ang dami ko kasing pictures. Hahaha.

Naalala ko, nung tumingin ako ng old photo albums namin nung bata pa ako, nakakatuwa kasi bawat pahina ay mga panahon na di mo na maibabalik. Mga panahon na akala mo ay di na maaalala ng memorya mo, pero hindi pala. Nandun pa din pala, kailangan mo lang ng bagay na magpapaalala sa’yo. Kaya naisip ko na mas okay pa din talaga yung photo albums kaysa kapag nakaupload lang sa Facebook o kung saan pang social networking sites. Diba? :)

Naalala ko dati, nung highschool pa ako, iba pa ako magisip at iba pa akong kumilos. Habang nagaayos nga ako ng pictures ko, sabi ko sa sarili ko: “Sobrang iba talaga ako nung mga panahong ito. Paano nga ba ako nagbago?”

Tapos bawat litrato, nakikita ko yung adjustments and facial expression ko. Kung paano ko iproject ang sarili ko sa camera at kung anu-ano pang bagay na kinukuhanan ko ng picture para lang kapag lumaki na ako, maibabalik ko ang sarili ko sa panahong ito kahit ala-ala man lang.

Dati, ang tingin ko sa sarili ko, napakainvincible ko. Invincible. Feeling ko ay napakastrong ko, na walang makakapanakit sa’kin. Kaya yung paraan ng pagsasalita ko, iba din. Alam ko ‘to kasi kapag nababasa ko yung mga lumang blogs ko nung 2008 pa, sobrang iba ang paraan ng pagttype ko at pagpuna ko sa mga bagay sa paligid ko. Aaminin ko, mas dominant sa’kin ang pagiging pessimist ko at mas napapansin ko ang mga negatives sa buhay ko. Medyo aggressive ako dati, hindi ko kayang i-low down ang temper ko; kaya kapag inis ako, inis talaga ako.. kapag galit ako, galit talaga ako. Hahaha. Nakakatawang nakakainis kapag nababasa ko, sa totoo lang. Parang, sarap sampalin ng sarili ko nung 15 years old pa ako. Hahaha.

Madaming dahilan para magbago ang isang tao. Pwede kasing sa bawat ikot ng panahon at taon, nagiiba ang perception mo kasi nagmamature ka na. Mas madami ka nang natututunan at mas madami ka nang napagdadaanan. Kaya mas maganda talaga na sa bawat pinagdadaanan mo, alalahanin mo kung anong lesson ang gusto nitong ituro sa’yo. Huwag kang palaging “go with the flow” lang. Minsan okay yun, minsan hindi. :) Ika nga, everything happens for a reason. Yung reason, alamin mo.. wag mong palampasin.

Mas maganda kasi na nakikilala mo ng malalim ang sarili mo sa bawat pinagdadaanan mo.

Hindi ako ganito ka-soft dati. Hindi ako sensitive. Madali lang sa’kin ang sabihin na wala akong pakielam and I would actually mean it. Tapos, syempre, lahat tayo nasasaktan. Nagbago mostly sa’kin sa mga panahong sobrang nasaktan ako. Akala ko kasi, kilala ko na nun ang sarili ko pero hindi pa pala. Akala ko, alam ko na lahat pero hindi pa pala.

Nagddiary ako, db? Kaya advatange sa’kin, nakkeep track ko ang pinagdaanan ko at yung pakiramdam ko ay itinuro sa’kin ng moment na yun. Minsan, tandang-tanda ko. Minsan, nakakalimot din kaya ayun - pinagdadaanan ko ulit for another time. (Yung feeling na napagdaanan mo na dati, pinagdadaanan mo na naman. Nu baa. Di ba? Yun ang ibig kong sabihin). Hahaha.

- - - - - - -

Madaming pwedeng mangyari sa bawat araw. Matuto ka. Maging matatag ka. Kung kinakailangan mong baguhin ang sarili mo para maging better ka, sige lang.

Alamin mo ang tama sa mali. Wag na wag mong iju-justify ang mali para lang ipilit sa sarili mo na yun ang tama kasi yun ang gusto mo. Piliin mo ang taong sasamahan at kakaibiganin mo; kasi hindi lang pamilya mo ang makakaimpluwensya sa’yo. Magtiwala ka, maiimpluwensyahan ka ng mga masasama niyan kapag mahina ka sa temptasyon. Uulitin ko: alamin mo ang tama sa mali at huwag mong iju-justify ang mali.

Wag laging puso ang gamitin, alalahanin mo na may utak ka din. Ibalanse mo ang sinasabi ng utak mo at ng puso mo.

In-love ka? Go lang. Magmahal ka lang ng totoo, hindi ikaw ang matatalo kung masaktan ka. Maging totoo ka sa nararamdaman mo. Huwag kang mandamay at manakit ng iba kung nalilito ka kung ano ba ang dapat mong gawin at dapat mong maramdaman.

Kung hindi ka pa handang mag-take ng another step forward, steady ka lang. Huwag kang magmadali, kaibigan. :) Okay na yung sa bawat hakbang ay sure ka, kaysa sa hindi - baka pagsisihan mo pa at baka masaktan ka lang ulit o makasakit ka ng iba.

Okay lang magkamali. Okay lang masaktan. Okay lang umiyak. Okay lang na matakot at kung anu-ano pa. Hayaan mong maramdaman ang dapat mong maramdaman, kasi hindi maganda na ipipilit mo na masaya ka pero hindi naman. Huwag mong lolokohin ang sarili mo. Kasi lahat ng yan, may purpose. Okay lang madapa, pero please lang, bumangon ka.. at sa pagbangon mo, dapat mas maging matatag ka na. :)

Mag-dwell ka sa positive side. Ito yung narealize ko lately. Yung kahit parang nasa bad side of life ka, isipin mo pa din yung magandang nadudulot nun sa’yo o sa ibang tao man lang.. para hindi mo na masyadong mai-down ang self mo. :) Mahirap, pero worth it. Magiiba ang araw mo kapag nakita mo ang good side ng bawat bad experiences.

At higit sa lahat, huwag na huwag mong kalimutang tumingin sa taas. Nandiyan lang Siya lagi para gabayan, samahan at mahalin ka. :) Mahal ka ni God. Kaya dapat pray lang din palagi. Yung priority, at hindi last option lang. :) Diba, mas gusto natin ang private message kaysa group message? Ganun din kay God. Okay na okay ang personal prayers para maiopen mo sa kanya ang sinabi at nararamdaman ng puso mo. :)

Weird mang isipin pero lahat ng tao nagbabago. Sana lang yung pinagbago mo ay yung mas pinili at mas gusto mo. Yun bang sa mga susunod pang taon, ang pagbabago mo ay yung mas pipiliin at mas gugustuhin mo pa din.

Kasi kung ako ay tatanungin mo pa din ngayon kung gusto kong ibalik ang dati: hindi. Mas okay sa’kin kung ano ako ngayon, at mas nagiging careful pa ako sa mga magiging actions at decisions ko kasi ayokong gumising sa isang araw at hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko kapag tumitingin ako sa salamin.

“One day, I decided that I was beautiful; and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. I wear colors that I really like, I wear make- up that makes me feel pretty, and it really helps. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”

- Gabourey Sidibe.

Reblogged from: hyperbolequeen, via andthatlittleblackdress.

I respect people’s opinions. But when I go to Twitter or Tumblr, and all I see are comments that are so mean and below-the-belt, I take this time to took what I said back.. just for me to lose my respect for them too. They don’t deserve a respect, do they?

Subject: About how other people bash and hate on Taylor.

Sometimes, some people really do talk without even thinking.

Taylor Swift - I became her fan when her “Fearless” album came out. Other people have known her just before “Tim McGraw” was known worldwide. But, the moment I got to know her, things have changed so much for me.. and it’s one thing I always thank God for - that He allowed me to meet and know someone like her in the time when I needed someone to understand me most. Let’s admit it: in all these crazy up & down moments that life could bring, it’s not everyday that you get to know someone whom you could feel like you are not alone. It’s not everyday that you meet someone who could change your life forever.

To other people, it may be Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez.. and list could go on. The point is, we’ve all met someone who became an inspiration to us.. to shape us.. to become our role model.. and to have someone to look up to. And for me, Taylor Swift is one of those people.

Even if I haven’t personally met her (go on: you’re free to say that she doesn’t even know me), I don’t care. The thing is, God let me know her so, I could have a model to change the way I live my life.

But rumors and issues also spread about her. It’s inevitable. But that’s what other people ONLY know, and they constantly judge her like as if she’s expected NOT to make a mistake. C’mon, people. Really?

I know Taylor already had 6 boyfriends for the past 6 years - not long-term relationships + dated other guys too who inspired her to write other love songs. But Taylor is MORE than that.

She expresses her feelings and herself through writing songs, and people have grown aware of that fact. Maybe, that’s the reason why they’re so curious about who she’s going out with.. how long their relationship would last.. and waiting for the next album because of the break-up. But, she’s MORE than that.

Who she dates and how she falls in love is actually none of our business, isn’t it? Just because we don’t experience the same way she date guys, that doesn’t give us the authority to constantly judge her like as if she’s just using guys so she could write something for her next album. C’mon, you guys. No one would ever risk having their hearts broken over and over, just so we could express and write something. I know, Taylor isn’t like that.

She may be talking about love and heartbreaks a lot, but she’s MORE than that.

Sometimes, what other people say about her is painful on my part too; especially because I know her more than those people who have nothing good to say about her.

Because, Taylor is like a bestfriend to me too; and her personality shines brighter than what gossip magazines say about her. She has been a huge part of my life. That’s why, when people say mean things about her, I can’t help but frown and wish there is something I could do to make them not think like that at all; because if I were Taylor, that would definitely hurt my feelings (especially if it isn’t true).

People abuse the excuse of “freedom of speech” as a means to express themselves.. which I wish is not happening because I find it immature and waste of time to hate on someone. Yeah, you can use “freedom of speech” everytime you want; but what you don’t have is one thing: and that’s respect.

You don’t have respect for someone you’re hating; and the same way, you won’t receive respect from someone you’re hating and from someone who don’t hate as much as you do.

I used to think that love is blind.. until that night of November 3rd of 2012, I was thinking about how that could be.. and I decided to write my thoughts down, the moment I realized that maybe it isn’t.

Love isn’t blind; and for me, I think, it was never blind in the first place.. and it will never be blind. Love actually opens our eyes and hearts. It clears the dim image of someone, so that you could see and know him/her in a clearer and better way than anyone else could.

It has always been true that it takes time to love someone. Because love will help you see things in a deeper perspective. The more time you spend with someone, the deeper we fall in love. Because that’s what love does. As each day goes by, it helps us see things about that person that we fail to notice the first time we met them.

Through love, we see things about someone that others probably cannot. We pay more attention to details. How they do and fix their hair. How they smile and laugh. What color of their eyes are. How they talk, or even how they walk when they feel like no one’s lookiing at them.

Because of love, we were able to know how someone thinks and feels. How they spend their time when they’re busy or doing nothing at home. How they appreciate or despise something. How they react when they encountered small or big problems in their lives. Or how they cope with everyday challenges.

Because of love, we learn how to make someone smile and the things that makes them laugh. We learn exactly what makes them sad and cry.. or what makes them disappointed, upset and frustrated.. or what makes them angry. We could even figure out the things that could make them feel crazy and excited.

Because of love, we wanted to know about their favorite color; their favorite food or desserts; their favorite movies and TV shows to watch; their favorite books to read; or even their favorite songs that they listen to nonstop.

Because of love, we were able to know someone in a deeper way that other people didn’t spend their time to. We figure out why they think and act the way they do; how their past experiences affected the way they handle things now; what made them change; and what made them talk about a specific topic the way they always do when you bring it up.

Because of love, we were able to figure out someone’s deepest fears and secrets, their dreams and passion, their faith, their beliefs and their different perspectives and opinions about a certain thing. We were able to find out about their likes and dislikes. We are able to figure them out - the way others can’t because, they were never really in love.

That’s why love isn’t blind.. and you’re not blind. Because love actually makes you see things better. And I think that’s the reason why when someone asks you why you love someone, you don’t know because, they won’t understand.. and you don’t understand why neither. You just do. You just know you do. You just know, deep down in your heart, that you love him/her.. and that’s something you can’t deny at all.

Love is like the wiper to your dusty windshield. A magnifying glass. A subtitle or Google translator when you can’t understand something.

Love is the rain pouring down through your skin - only you can feel it in a different way than others who don’t spend their time to appreciate what it is like to actually feel something fascinating, unique and wonderful.

* * *

And in this night, everything has changed.

Busy life - that’s basically the reason why I haven’t been on Tumblr (and Twitter or Facebook) for quite a while.. and I have this crazy January schedule too for my duty, which was fun and tiring at the same time. But, 95% of it was fun times and I thank God for that.

I woke up today, feeling like, “whoa! It’s the first day of the second month of the year. That’s just crazy.”

January didn’t just pass me by, like what people usually say. When this year started, I tried to make sure that days won’t just pass me by like nothing about it is memorable and exciting and wonderful. I try to make each day count.. and fortunately, it has been going on for a month and a day now.

January 11th - I celebrated my 21st birthday! :D Praises be to God. I’m 21 years old now. I was completely sick during that time - just like how I was during my 20th birthday. I don’t know what kind of legacy I am bringing during my birthday (hahaha); but for this year, my illness was milder than it was a year ago. I just had a fever of unknown cause. I was vomiting for no reason at all. I have no appetite for eating, but I didn’t lose weight (sad fact, hahaha). But that didn’t stop me from enjoying that day. It was amazing! My family and relatives has always been there for me. My dad was bringing out his sense of humor to make me laugh as usual. My boyfriend stayed here with us to celebrate for a while, and spent time with me a little too. My friends did a lot of crazy birthday greetings which totally blew my mind away. My co-trainees in Jesus of Nazareth hospital, together with Ma’am Jade, surprised me during our team building and NEVER would I forget that! :D

Another thing: do you know that song from Taylor called, “The Moment I Knew?” Yes. That song is a hundred percent like my story during my 20th birthday. I was sick and dealing with a broken heart because of someone. Skip the story. Thank God, I was never able to experience that kind of love-tragedy this year. I thought I would, but I didn’t. Haha. It was all brand new. :)

And I met a lot of wonderful people. From Station 3B to 2nd floor ward. From our patients and their relatives. It’s such a nice feeling to be there for someone. To meet someone like you knew them all along. To be in a place and still feel like you’re home (except for the fact that I have duties and responsibilities to do).

January has always been my favorite month of the year. Not because my birthday happens during this month, but because it’s the start of the year.. and it’s in this month that you can start to change your perspective and the way you live life up to the end of the year. :)

And now that it’s February, I think, hearts would be all over the world now again. Whether single or in a relationship, I hope we could still enjoy every single day that God gave us. :)

God bless everyone. :)

For this entire duration, one thing that I always thank God for is when we do our rounds, talk to our patients, and still find them laughing and smiling like nothing’s wrong. Then, at one point or another, they will come up to you and tell you something that has been bothering them with their health.

* * *

December 22, 2012: I have my duty in Station 3B. We have 15 patients, and from our 2pm-10pm shift, we admitted three patients in our station.

3 days before Christmas, and still, they find theirselves admitted in the hospital because of a certain health problem.

* * *

Sometimes, you think you’re having such a bad day… but, you’re not.

“I think, that it’s one of those things you hear people talk about like “I just knew.” I think that you just know. I think that really is a true thing and I don’t think love is ever going to be perfect; and I think that when you are actually in a long relationship and you have to sustain it and work at it, I think that’s a very real thing and it’s not all pretty and sparkly and fairy tale-esque. And it doesn’t really have the stamp of Prince Charming.. but I think that he would listen to you at the end of a hard day and I think that he’d be there for you and feel like a teammate.”

- Taylor Swift.

Kapag duty ko, nagdadala ako ng yellow paper. Hindi para sulatan ng notes about sa patient at vital signs - kundi, para kapag may naramdaman ako at sa tingin ko ay pagsusulat lang ang way ko ng pagvvent out, meron akong masusulatan.

Madalas kasi, meron akong isang pakiramdam na lagi kong nararamdaman habang nagduduty. May mga narerealize ako. At sa pagsusulat ko, nagiging personal ako. Sobrang personal. Kaya kapag nagsusulat ako tuwing duty, inaadress ko yung sulat ko kay God.

Ramdam ko kasi na, kapag nasulat ko na at napaalam kay God, gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko at medyo nagiging light ang mga bagay. Para akong batang nagoopen up ng nararamdaman minsan. Nalulungkot din kasi ako. Hindi dahil hindi ako masaya sa ginagawa ko - kasi ito ang gusto ko talaga.

Kaso nasa phase pa lang siguro ako ng pakikipag-relate sa mga kasama ko. Lahat naman tayo ay ganun kapag bago ang mga kasama at di pa ganung kakilala at kaclose sila, diba? Yung ilan sa kanila, freely ko talaga na natatanong at nakakausap. Pero may times na, syempre, nahihirapan akong makarelate sa kanila kapag nagkkwentuhan sila. Kasi, matagal na silang magkakakilala. Ako, bago lang sa area. Kaya, nakikinig lang ako mostly.. tapos magsstate din ng something kapag may masshare din ako. Ganun. :)

Siguro, hindi lang ako sanay na walang close friend na kasama sa duty. Hindi tulad nung student nurse pa lang kami, kasama ko yung mga kagrupo ko. Tapos kapag may nagawang bagong nursing intervention or may naexperience na bago, may someone na ready ka nang mapagpwentuhan. Yun siguro ang namimiss ko.

Nakakalungkot. Nakakamiss. Pero, siguro, masasanay din ako. Kakasimula ko pa lang naman kaya syempre, adjust at adapt muna sa mga makakasama mo. Diba? :)

Minsan, naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Nagiging dominant kasi ang pagiging introvert ko. Pero araw-araw naman na duty ko, naeexcite pa din naman ako at motivated pa din sa gagawin ko. :> Iba lang talaga kapag may isang tao na pwede mong mapagkwentuhan kaagad sa area. At yun siguro ang hinahanap ko ngayon. Pero alam ko namang may tinuturo sa’kin kasi si God. Kaya ayun.

Magiging okay din ang lahat. :)

May Christmas party kami. :) And kahit na nurse trainee pa lang kami, part kami ng event nila. Kaya kanina, inexcuse kami sa duties namin para makapagpractice kami ng sabay-sabay. Iba-iba kasi ang shift namin, kaya ayun. :)

Sa San Isidro kami nagpractice.

Nakakapagod. Sobra. Bollywood kasi ang theme. So, Bollywood style din ang sayaw. Haha. Kembot dito, kembot dun. Hindi pa naman ako marunong sumayaw. Ano ba yun. Haha, Pero okay lang. Hindi naman ako nagiisa. Hahaha! :))

Maloloka ako kanina kasi hirap na hirap akong ipagsabay yung footsteps at hand steps. Hindi ko na maabsorb yung ibang steps kasi nakakalito, pero kailangan. Kailangang maalala. Kailangang masaulo. Pero, carry naman eh. May madadali at may mga favorite steps din naman ako. :D Hahaha.

Nagpractice kami for the whole day. Tapos, dance instructor namin yung kabatch namin sa Lyceum na kasali sa “Nursing Dance Company” kaya okay din yung way ng pagtteach niya. Masaya lang. Hindi strict, and all. xD.

May tawanan din. Tapos kapag breaktime, kwentuhan at lokohan. Tapos, practice ulit. Hahaha. Buti na lang talaga, nagjogging pants ako at rubber shoes. :> Super nakakapagod.

Kaya paguwi ko, deretso ako sa kama ng kapatid ko. Nakatulog ako for almost 3 hours - straight. Hahaha! :)

Well spent day. Praise and glory be to God! ♥.

May ikkwento ako sa inyo. Nagkaroon kasi ako ng isang di ko gustong panaginip kasi nalungkot lang talaga ako ng sobra. At honestly, di ko alam kung bakit yun ang napanaginipan ko. Di ko naman siya naiisip. Di ko naman siya naaalala. Di ko naman siya - basta, wala. Hahaha. Di ko alam kung anong ginagawa niya sa subconscious ko para siya ang maging “main topic” ng aking dreams. XD.

Ito yung pinaka-recent dream ko bago ako magising, kaya tanda ko pa yung ibang nangyari. At promise, nasaktan lang talaga ako pagkagising ko. Naman kasi.

Ganito kasi yun.

Reality check muna: si girl - close friend ko siya nung first year highschool ako. As in. Close kami. Half days lang kasi kami nun dati, except Tuesdays and Thursdays (whole days kasi namin ‘to. haha). Tapos, minsan, kapag wala kaming ginagawa, pumupunta pa kami sa kanila para magbonding kami. O kaya, sabay kaming magaaral. Ang tanda ko nun, Science pa inaaral namin. :) Tapos, kwentuhan, tawanan. Ganun. :)

May boyfriend siya nun. Kaklase din namin. Nung nag-end ang school year, di na kami magkklase nung second year. Tapos ang balita ko ay nagbreak na sila. Nagkikita pa din kami sa corridors, kapag nagkakasalubong. Tapos kapag ningingitian ko siya, hindi na niya ako pinapansin. Hanggang fourth year highschool kami, kapag nagkakasalubong kami, wala na talaga. Hindi na niya ako pinapansin, kahit smile man lang.

Hindi ko din alam kung bakit.

Ayos naman kami, as in, nung nag-end yung SY nung first year ee. Tapos, nitong college, meron kaming common friend na naging classmate ko. Actually, kaklase din namin siya nung first year HS kami. :) So ayun. Bigla namin siyang napagusapan. Tapos, namention niya na nung nagbreak daw sila nung guy, super laki na ng pinagbago niya. Di na din daw siya pinapansin.. ganun.

Nalungkot ako. Kasi, ang saya niyang kaibigan. Promise.

Tapos ito na. Napanaginipan ko siya kagabi. Ang setting ay dito sa bahay namin. Tapos, it seems so real. So real! Yun ang masaklap, dre. Akala ko talaga ay totoo na.

Nagkausap daw kami sa phone. Nung una, tahimik lang kaming dalawa. Tapos, maya-maya ay nagtanong na daw ako kung galit siya, kung tampo siya, etc. Hanggang sa maya-maya, nagkkwentuhan na kami just like old times. Parang tanda ko, nagkwento din siya about sa ex-boyfriend niya at sa boyfriend niya today. Ganun.

Tapos, biglang naputol kasi nagalarm na yung cellphone ko. Dun ko narealize na panaginip lang pala ang lahat.

Di pala yun totoo.

Sinaktan lang ako ng sarili kong panaginip.

Chos. Haha. Matagal ko na kasi siyang gustong makausap. Kaso nga, sa treatment niya, parang ayaw na niya siguro akong maging friend (?) I dunno. Siguro, nagtanggal siya ng mga tao sa buhay niya para magmove on dati, at kasali ako dun kasi kaklase niya ako nung 1st year highschool.

Di ko talaga alam ang dahilan. Di ko na siya naconfront, ever since.

Yun lang. ;sigh.